MARRIAGE
Marriage is ordained and designed by God Almighty. The discussion of this all important institution is from a Biblical perspective. The concern here is mostly with the strictly Biblical aspect of it. This subject will be examined from the viewpoint of the Old Testament and of the New Testament. A brief consideration of divorce will also be made.
1. The Old Testament. Marriage was instituted by God. This
fact is set forth in Genesis 2:24 states, "Therefore shall a man leave his
father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be
one flesh." The context is verse 23 which should be read. Not
much is said in the following chapters (See Genesis 4:16-24; also Genesis
6:2) unto Genesis 7:7 where Noah, his wife, his three sons and their wives
are mentioned. In chapter 11:29, it speaks of Abram and Nahor taking
wives and gives their names. Throughout the the Old Testament you can
find the same thing. Leviticus 18 gives the acceptable marriage
relationships. Also, chapter 20 speaks of these same
relationships.
It is sometimes argued that polygamy was allowed by God
in the Old Testament. Such polygamy was NEVER approved by God.
Invariably those who engaged in it always had trouble upon trouble.
You search the Law of Moses in vain to find any countenance
of polygamy. The Law allowed divorce (which shall not be discussed
here except as covered below since this page is on marriage), but as
the Lord pointed out that "Moses because of the hardness of your hearts
suffered you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was no so."
(Matthew 19:8). However, Lord Jesus did allow divorce for reason of
fornication (verse 9). Notice that it was "allowed" not "required."
Little is said about regulations governing behavior in a marriage.
One prohibition was having physical relations during a wife's monthly
period. There were a few other minor regulations which
a study will bear out and which are not pertinent to this discussion.
It should be clear to anyone who is willing to study all the passages dealing
with marriage in the Old Testament that it was to be between one man and
one woman. The Old Testament also taught that death dissolved the
relationship permitting remarriage. As to a marriage ceremony, no specifics
are given. In the case of Jacob apparently some sort of
ceremony including a feast was done.
2. The New Testament. The New Testament gives more specifics
on the marriage relationship. It is somewhat difficult to decide which
approach should be made, whether to present passages in order as they occur
in the New Testament or whether to set them forth in a topical way.
Actually a combined method will be used..
a. Christ's words. The Lord's teaching
on marriage should be considered as most important. The first occurrence
of His teaching is in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:31, 32. He
is specifically speaking about divorce. He clearly states that a marriage
is not to be dissolved except for fornication. The word
fornication is from the Greek word from which the English word "porno"
is derived. The word basically means "prostitution." The
Lord, however, may have been referring to any sexual activity outside
of marriage--which really is prostitution. The other key word
here is commits adultery. The word "adultery" applies to seducing
another. Both words have, of course, reference to sexual activity
outside of marriage.
The Lord dealt with this issue again replying
to the Pharisees. This is covered in Matthew 19:3-9 (Cf. Mark 10:1-12
& Luke 16:18). Here again Jesus made it clear that divorce was
not God's plan for marriage but permitted because of the sinfulness
of man's heart. Notice that marriage is of God. He
planned it and only death can sever it.
b. The physical side. Marriage can
be discussed from three aspects: physical, psychological, and spiritual.
These are not hard and fast divisions. Jesus quoted Genesis 2:24
and it concludes, "and the two shall be one flesh." This union is unique,
and that statement involves more than the mere physical. However, the
New Testament clearly sets forth the physical side.
1) Hebrews 13:4. In
Hebrews 13:4 it is stated, "Marriage is
honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but
whoremongers and adulterers God shall judge." The word
marriage is from the verb "to take a wife." The word
whoremonger is again the one for "porno"; the other word is again
the same as adultery elsewhere. It is clear that the physical side
of marriage is here in view. The phrase "the bed undefiled" refers
to the normal physical relationship between a husband and wife. This
is evident by the words "whoremongers" and "adulterers" which follow it.
Also clear here is the fact that sexual activity is wrong outside of
marriage. There is NO way to construe this verse in any other
way.
2) 1 Corinthians 7:2-5.
Notice carefully what these verses say.
a) First, verse 2
clearly sets monogamy, that is, one man and one woman
in a marriage.
b) Second, the
physical relationship is plainly set forth here. A
man's body belongs to his wife; a wife's body belongs
to her husband. Third, notice that there is mutuality here in the marriage
relationship. It is NOT one sided. Some boards on the
internet deals with various kinds of sexual activity among married
partners: "Is this right?" or "Is that wrong?" Here it
is MUTUALITY. It seems this writer that whatever a husband
and wife want to do together is their business; it is right as long as both
wish to do so. The husband does not have a right to impose his wishes on
his wife; likewise, the wife does not have the right to impose her wishes
on her husband. On the other hand, each should be at least willing
to try something; if then it is not acceptable to one or the other,
then it should be avoided.
c) Lastly, this passage
clearly states that married people are not to refrain themselves
from each other except for a season of "fasting and prayer"; and then
for only a time, lest "Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
If
you are a woman reading this web page, you need to remember that your
husband has a strong biological need for sexual activity. If you
are a husband, you need to remember that your wife need affection, romance,
or whatever you may want to call it. This passage clearly sets forth
the importance of the physical side of marriage whether it is
actual intercourse or just plain cuddling.
c. The psychological side. The
psychological side has to do with the souls of the two married partners.
The knitting of the two souls is implicitly taught in Genesis
2:24 in both the phrase "cleave [be glued] unto his wife"--hence the phrase
"your stuck with me" and in the phrase "the two shall be one flesh."
Such a passage as 1 Peter 3:1-7 suggests
this psychological aspect, although both the physical and spiritual are evident
to some extent. Ephesians 4:26 states, "Be ye angry, and sin not; let
not the sun go down upon your wrath." Although this verse has wider application
than marriage, it is certainly a good principle to follow in marriage.
This certainly has to do with the psychological aspect of the
relationship, although a spiritual element is present. Again, Ephesians
4:32 has a wider interpretation, but is applicable to the marriage relationship.
This would cover those petty arguments that arise between husband and wife
which often are based in selfishness. Here again the spiritual aspect
is present.
Ephesians 5:21-33 (which will be covered
under the spiritual aspect) is important for the psychological side
of marriage. There is to be submission on the part of the wife.
This submission has it spiritual side, but the emphasis here is the psychological
aspect; and the husband needs to love his wife as his own body. NOTE:
there is nothing evil about the body per se. There are other
verses which speak of this relationship. In most cases the wife
is repeatedly exhorted to be subject to the husband. Apparently, this
was a necessary reminded; likewise, the husband is repeatedly exhorted to
love his wife, not to be bitter against her, and to defer to her as
the weaker vessel. All of these verses imply the psychological side
of marriage, but border on both the physical and spiritual.
d. The spiritual side. In discussing
the spiritual side, it must be kept in mind that the line between each area
is a fine line, and no hard statement can be made categorizing a passage
as just one or the other (with a few exceptions).
The key passage is
Ephesians 5:21-33. It is to be noted that the context is verse 18 which
deals with being "filled with the Spirit." Verse 21 is a key verse.
This verse has, of course, a broader application than marriage,
but marriage relationship is the context. In verse 21 states,
"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." Here
is mutual submission. Failure to abide by this verse has caused
many--including ministers of the Word--to put undue emphasis on the
submission of the wife to her husband. That the Bible teaches
such submission is true. However, there is first to be this mutual
submission to one another. A couple is one flesh. This
writer's left arm is in submission to his head and so is his right arm. Were
it to cease to be, then there is paralysis. The same is true in the
marriage relationship; the two members of the marriage must first be subject
their Head, Jesus Christ; then, there is the mutual submission; and then
there is submission of the wife to her husband as the head of the
family. Two heads may be better than one in some matters, but a marriage
with two heads is a monstrosity. But notice further, the husband's
job, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and
gave Himself for it." What a responsibility husbands have!
The word love in both cases is agape, the highest form
of love. Men, ask yourselves, "Am I really willing to
give myself for my wife?" This does not just refer to the physical
giving of oneself to save the other from some dire situation. It
refers to all aspects of a marriage. Are you (and this writer
for that matter) willing to forego your plans and your wants for the sake
of your wife? This is where most husbands (and this writer included)
fail their wives. It should be noted that Christ gave Himself
for the church, but also gave Himself to the church.
This is general tenor of the New Testament. The rest of this
passage deals with the relationship of Christ and the church; except
toward the end, it again deals with the husband-wife relationship. He
quotes Genesis 2:24, but then says, "This is a great mystery; but I speak
concerning Christ and the church." He then concludes with an exhortation
for the husband to love his wife "even as himself", and the wife is to "reverence
her husband." This is the true basis of a marriage. Without
it many marriages end in divorce; herein lies the reason behind so many unhappy
marriages.
Because of the prevalence of
divorce, it is desirable to give what the Scriptures teach on this
subject. It has already been set forth what Jesus said on the
matter. His reply was in response to the Pharisees asking why Moses
allowed divorce. Jesus said that the only cause for divorce was
"fornication." Though this word has to do primarily with prostitution,
it takes on a broader meaning that borders on any sexual activity outside
of marriage. It is difficult to distinguish between fornication
and adultery. It is apparent that a married person can commit both.
The distinction may well be that fornication involving a married person
corresponds to an affair whereas adultery is more permanent. In any
case, Jesus did allow; this writer repeats, allowed not required divorce
due to fornication.
Now coming to what Paul stated in 1 Corinthians
7:10-17, he is dealing here with the case of a believing spouse and
an unbelieving spouse. This was the result of a couple being
married, and the one came to know the Lord as Savior after marriage. The
believer is not to leave the unbeliever. If the unbeliever departs,
however, the believing spouse is to let him or her depart. There is
no marriage bond in that case. This suggests divorce may take place
because fornication is supposed in such cases. Divorce is not
a requirement; rather reconciliation is the rule. There is no provision
in the Bible except for fornication (and that is not a NECESSARY cause) for
the divorce of two believers. Even if a legal divorce (in
the eyes of the government) takes place, the two should not remarry,
but rather seek reconciliation. If one of them remarries,
then in a sense adultery has taken place destroying the original marriage.
There is no clear statement about the other partner in that case, but
it seems that such could remarry, but only in the Lord, that is, to another
believer. In any case, the Bible seems to teach that reconciliation
should always be preferred to remarriage to someone else.
If you have come from the Interpretation web page, click on it; otherwise, click below.